I don’t want my childhood back. My parents were caring but the lack of some awareness ruined my infancy. It was horrifying, molest and scary. I wish I could share my feelings with my parents. But a four-year baby could not make it that time. Now I’m going to share it and you could learn child abuse prevention from my story.
I requested and cried not to leave me at the home with the babysitter.
Are your kids really safe at their own home?
Preventing child abuse not easy
I did not understand what happened with me but it was very uncomfortable. The nanny abused me. I was just 3 and half years. I do not want to remember that again.
It Was Horrifying and Scary!!!!! Facts about child abuse
The journey of getting success and having a strong position in society was not at all easy for that kid who repeatedly abused in his past. Now I am a lecturer in a renowned University of Washington DC and a social worker. I have two kids Robert and Karen.
I can feel the dilemma of an abused kid, who has been going through the darkness as I did. It takes long to recover myself. I always got back to the time when I saw my child laughing and playing.
It was in the early eighties, when my Mama and Papa went out for their job. I could not understand how to express my feeling in words to them.
The nanny was very close to my family and she took care of my elder brother before me. Therefore, my family had a great amount of faith in her. I was alone. She has forced me to leak her privately.
It was WOooo!!!
Nevertheless, I had to and it continued for next six months. She also pulled mine so hard that I felt like dying instant.
At the edge of four, I had admitted in a Kindergarten and thought it was over.
Life relieved but it was not the end!!!!
In the vacation, when I had stayed home, the monster exploded me. This made me so scared that I did not want to stay my home. It continued some years also.
Years had passed and I joined the primary grade. My miseries had exceeded all while Mama and Papa had left to New York for a couple of days for attending a youth competition of my elder brother.
I had been repeatedly vaguer by the woman each day and time. One day she took someone else with her. She had handed over herself and me to him for wildness.
I screamed and cried but no one was there to save me!!!!
I had started to hate myself and wanted to die. They touched me so badly that I could not even move to die.
Even I could be pregnant if I were a girl.
After my family returning from the competition, I had collected all my courage and told Mama what happened to me. Rather supporting me, Mama accused me and suggested not to tell it others.
I died then mentally!!
Although she had never returned, she spoiled my child life. It took long to get a recovery from there. I could not even talk to anybody until the final year of my university. I always had the nightmare and kept away myself from the human.
I became the addict of narcotics and anxiolytic because always I saw those times in sleep. I knew if I had left the pill, I could be suicidal.
Child days scraped all the happiness for my life.
While I had left all the hopes from my life, I shared it with my Papa. The only place from where I expected some light of life.
He helped me!!!!
Although he knew the sympathy did not work out in my case, he showed. He brought me to psychiatrists. I was under him for about 5 years.
With their help, I am now a free man who left the scary tell behind.
Nevertheless, the situation came in front again while I fell in love. I wanted to marry Mary but also shared my past with her. My soul restricted me to cheat her.
Mary was quite understanding
She accepted me what I am and make me confident that I was the victim, not the guilt.
Now we are together for 12 years. Robert is in 11 and Karen is 8. I do not want the same thing happened again with my kids.
I have tried to secure their childhood happiness. We are friendly to our children and teach them how to save them from those monsters.
Nevertheless, before educate them we have prepared ourselves.
Admonition Sings: Way to know the Predator
Facts about child abuse
We take part in some session about identifying the warning signs for a baby predator. As from my experience, I know there is no special face for those monsters.
Is there anyone in your children’s life?
We learn about many daycare organizations in the US maintain a policy where a child can only go outside with two adult persons for each visiting. If your child is growing up in any of these organization, talk to your kids and make sure it happens.
Likewise, according to few child-abuse prevention experts, it is better to confirm a window policy in the school, tuition or training center. If it is a private counseling for your child, confirm that you have a hidden access to observe it.
When our kids were very small, we had to take nanny service. However, Mary and I kept our eyes over her all activities eventually. Often we came back home without any notice for watching what was going there. Before appointing, we had also checked her past and searched for any crime history.
We also noticed the teachers, coaches and other adults who were in our kids’ surrounding. If any of them show something extra than usual, we compared the care with other guardians for ensuring the safety of their kids as well.
Until now, we are trying to keep our kid safe from the monster having the innocent face like all of us. However, we know we may have to face some crucial issues in future. Therefore, we look after the kids’ friends and the older kids as well.
Have you noticed any strange sign in your kid?
I know kids do not open them self for saying the vulgar things happened with them. Therefore, we have to step forward, prepare ourselves to listen to them.
We never take it lightly, if our kids object to go around to a particular person. We also take each secret sign seriously in the genital area like redness, swollen or urinary infections. We also do not take lightly any other unexplained tummy ache, or sudden my kid start bed wetting.
We learn from experience and expert that abused child often shows changes in behavior like commenting on sex, inapt sexual behave, sudden calm or fury, drop out classes etc.
Well not all of these may be a sign of abuse
I can still remember those days while Karen, usually a cute and calm little angle, become furious while she was only seven. We tried to find out some reason, but she started angrier at that topic.
I was scared by asking me, Did she okay!!!??
I was a bit nervous also. However, it was her mom who denied bringing something fishy Karen wanted. I felt relieved. However, if there is any change in your kids, they might need some consultation from Psychiatrist. You can take them to a pediatrician, trained on child monster.
Now the State Child Protection Center is working fabulously. They make the huge campaign to deliver the message of not investigating the child abuse by own. Rather, we have to inform them and they will care about it.
Should I change my Behavior for my children?
For ensuring our kid’s safety, we listen to them carefully. We prepare ourselves if any of our children say something about abuse, they will find us caring and adoring about them.
Kids rarely tells wrong about their abuse
I always follow some rules while my kids feel uncomfortable talking something with me. I sit down on my knee or pull them on a chair. Try to give a deep look into their eyes. I have found them comfortable talking with me.
I make them realize that I believe them. If I will be in a situation where my children were abused, I will ask them simply about the incident. I will make some open question rather using detailed one.
In my childhood, Mama denied my abuse, I was shocked and I felt guilt myself. It will not happen for my kids. I am always with them before the society. Therefore, they will not have a nightmare about their childhood.
Sometimes people charge the child and some show anger. It might lock them in the case and will never open it out to you.
It is better to make your child feel you are not angry with them and they are not the guilt. On a research, Psychologist David Finkelhor, Ph.D., Director of CCRC has said that the abused child can heal if they get proper support and care.
He also said in that kids, who had abuse, grew up with the typical mental condition. Strong self-will, mental support from family and society can play a vital role in their revival. Counseling by a child psychiatrist may be helpful. Special training can help to beat the upset.
Do not let them afraid!!!
In my early age, I was afraid to share my story with anyone. I felt guilt for myself and thought no one could accept me. Thus, I try to make my kids comfortable to share their story with me.
We instructed our child to prevent them self: Age Group Talking
From my life, we learn something that we should be open to our children, but we do not know how to talk with them about abuse. Therefore, we have taken help from a child psychiatrist for several times. We have met him frequently as he works in the child-abuse support center where I am also working as an honorary adviser.
He advises us to understand our kids’ development stage and make it simpler to us. He makes samples classes on age group, which ranges from 2-4, 5-8, and 9 or more. He also help us how to talk with each age group. Which terms we should avoid, when and where?
We have followed his advice. We also went Baltimore to meet with him when he left Washington DC.
When our child were 2-4, he advised
Use the exact word rather confusing
Call the organ by its specific name used at your area. Do not hesitate to say dick a dick. It will help them to know and talk about any state clearly.
Explain about the secret body part
Let them know who can touch his secret parts. Beside him, his parents and doctors in presence of parents can touch it. If any other person touches it, he must say it to you.
Make him owner to his figure
Politely teach your kids to say ‘no’, when an unknown people touch his hair and make the nice comment. You might help him saying, “Robert is not at all comfortable while someone touching his hair.’
Secure him from confusion
If he feels confused, give assurance to speak him clearly and support him to understand the thing happened.
Put no lock around sexuality
Sometimes your kid may ask you about where he comes from. It is time not to worry but to give an age suitable answer. Limit yourself saying you are not old enough to know it.
When our child were 5-8, he advised
Help him to set up new margin
If your kid, refuge a deep hug or kiss from any family member support him. Support Robert by saying his lack of interest in a deep kiss.
Do not accuse
Make your kids confident that they are not the guilt if any sexual offense occurred with them. If you can do so, they will come to you and share if anything could happen. By doing this you grab the lethal weapon of the child monsters, which are fear and shame. Give them believe, if anything happens comes to you.
Ensure online safety
It is not a right age for your child to go online, as they are too young. In modern time, predators travel online. Therefore, teach them to hide their personal information with any stranger. Also, tell them to share any message, which makes them uncomfortable.
When our child were 9 or above, he advised
We continue to talk with our child about their discomfort, safety, and sexual life. We should continue it up to their adolescence. We also do not let them out the range unless they are elder enough to take their own decision. We do not want their measurable life. We always support them to have a peaceful life.
Monitor the access
From our organization, we have found many cases where the child gets access to porn sites. Sometimes it is accidental or easily through Smartphone, Computer Gaming or Cable TV. Often parents know nothing about the access and the impact of porn on them. Therefore, we need to talk to our agent about restricting the mature contents in our devices and connections.
Counsel to get the trustworthy adult
Often the children feel uncomfortable about talking to parents about sexual abuse at this age. Therefore, help them to choose the right person to share the idea. Mama could the right place to share the thought.
However, in 18 states in the US, the school teacher or counselor is the selected person for informing the authority about the abuse or suspect.
How did we make it for our child?
One day I brought an age selected body part guide for my kid when Robert was just 2 and a half. We started showing the guide. After a few days, while he understood the private parts, we stepped forward.
Then I said about who can touch it and ask him the report about his daily life after returning home from my classes. Within few days he enjoys reporting me what happened with him throughout the day.
One day I found something wrong when he said about one of his elder cousins who pulled his pants off and he was ashamed. I ensured him, it not his fault and the cousins was guilt for it.
Believe me, I could not sleep that night
I saw the monster of my childhood at whole night. Next morning I talked to my brother, he understood and arranged to counsel for his son. After few days, Robert reported me, he felt happy because his cousin said sorry for that day.
When he grew up at five, I started exploring few more things. I continued the reporting conversation but this time I share some more things like internet, why he should not feel guilt. I also supported him to make set up a new boundary.
Time flew away, now Robert is a grown up kid of 10, we helped him finding the trustworthy adult. Fortunately, it is I. We also restrict the accidental access to porn sites through blocking the website and channels through Smart home devices by our agents.
According to plan, I counsel this with Robert he counts me as his best friend and protector.
We did the same things with our little angle, Karen. I have continued teaching her about how to deal with her surroundings up to she became 6. Then Mary has continued the teaching. I also participate with them sometime.
What have you done to secure your kids’ childhood?
After the entire thing, we have also updated ourselves about the laws and victim support for child abuse.
From my social responsibilities, I do not want any child to have a scary childhood like me. Therefore, besides helping my child I also try to educate other guardians to develop their behavior for being a strong support for their children.
Laws and Victim Support Numbers
Currently, there is no Federal Regulation for accusing the child abusers. However, the states have their own laws for accusing the abusers. Nevertheless, the courtroom and the procedures are not at all friendly for the child. Therefore, there are many organizations for helping the child in the US. We kept numbers of some renowned organizations for preserving the sweetness of infancy.
Child help National Child Abuse Hotline (1-800-422-4453) (www.childhelp.org) (Kids)
National Children Advocacy Centre (256-533-5437) (www.nationalcac.org) (Kids)
Center for Child Protect and Family Support (202-544 – 3144) (www.centerchildprotection.org)
Prevent Child Abuse America (312-663-3520) (preventchildabuse.org) (Parents)
Do not hesitate to stand for your child, when he or she is in trouble. Be supportive, caring and aware.
Also read: Ultimate guide to self-defense classes